Not Forgotten?

Well i sure was a mouthy one.... just looking at all my blogs and wow i was so young i dont even remeber myself like that....
Anyways, its been a while, alot has happend, and changed, were should i start...
So about 11 months ago clayton and i broke up, 3 months before we were suppose to be married, thats okay im very happy not to be with him, i can say that now anyways. I had a really hard time dealing with the break up, i was very depressed, didn't like myself very much, and caused myself alot of pain and harship. About a month after we broke up i started partying, and drinking, and smoking weed more than usual but nothing to the extreme, a month or two after we broke up i had my first break up sex, and it lasted for about a month or so...when i relized that it wasent a relationship, and just meaninless sex, i felt the pain...so i resorted to more alcohol, and more partying...
One night i was partying with a couple people and clayton, this was about 3 months after we broke up, and one of my good friends at the time had invited a girl over, not knowing that i was gunna be there, she invited this girl over for clayton to hook up with, i was sooo upset, i relize now a real friend wouldent have done that, anyways we all partyed together for a while until my friend cause a fight between a bunch of guys, the cops were called, and so on and so forth, clayton had told me that everyone was goin home, but i told him i couldent go home, my mom was sleeping i was drunk and it wouldent be a good idea, so he passed me off to his friend, who he told was guna get laid by me, and since i was so drunk i did end up having sex with this guy. the next morning i felt awful, dirty, and just pissed off, i also found out that no one actually left claytons house they were just saying that to get me out so clayton could hook up with that girl my friend invited over for him. After that i just decided not to party or even be around clayton. I started drinking alot i was drunk most of the week, also drunk in the day time basically drunk whenever i could be. One night i got so drunk i passed out in the middle of a field with a mini dress on and my legs spred wide open for everyone to see, my friends laughed about it, and told me to get up but i wouldent move i was too drunk...so they carried me over to a bench were they stuck a finger full of coke up my nose and told me to sniff, that would have been my first encounter with cocain... and not my last, that night turned into a couple days later when i was finally sober i relized the alcohol, the drugs and whatever eles was bought that night all came from my bank card which i had let my friends convince me to insert fake checks into my account. What a mistake that was, i was dissapointed with myself and a little scared but dint care a whole lot, i just needed to get drunk. for the next four months i dont remeber too much, other than drinking ridiculous amounts of alcohol, getting to the point of alcohol poisoning and doing a couple lines of coke to sober myself up, just to repeat the same thing which lead me to the drugs in the first place, i did this routien pretty much every night occasinally i would take a couple days off to go home to eat, change my clothes, i remeber alot of men, i dont remeber there names, what they did for a living, or where they lived, just that in the morning i would be waking up beside them. I let alcohol, drugs, and sex fill in my empty spaces, rather than god, and hurt myself more than i could have every imagined. It has now been 11 almost 12 months since me and clayton have been broken up, i couldent be happier, i am four and a half months sober, clean from drugs, and alcohol, god had blessed me and chose me to carry a child for months ago, i think it was his way of saying you are worthy, now its time to grow up, people tell me its a Great and amazing blessing to have a child, and i believe it more and more everyday, i still stuggle, i still hurt but at least i can say im with god in my times of pain, and not drugs, or alcohol, or in the arms of some man im never gunna see again. Ive filled these holes with god love, and he has healed my wounds, my scars are still visable, and might be for a while, but im still healing, learning, and growing. In september im going to be going to comosun, im working towards paying my debts off, and just work towards bettering myself.