SO, im a little upset about something, and im trying not to be i just want to feel like things are goin to be okay, i know god will take care of me but it hard not to worry, i think im doin better than i usually would but not as good as i should be.
When i got pregnant i was roofing, and i love roofing its such a great job, good money, i loved my boss, i was pretty happy, my boss was soo layed back, and dint mind me coming in late, or not showing up. he always bought me lunch, and gave me advances whenever i needed them, gave me smokes, and he was my best friend, when i got pregnant i had to quit roofing, apperanlty its dangerous to be lifting heavy things, and my balance becomes off, and what not. I was soo unhappy.
For the first 3-4 months of my pregnancy i was too sick to look for a new job, but i finally found one at panago! 3-4 weeks into the job theyb fierd me cause they found out i was pregnant. They dint come out and say that too me but i had told a co-worker that i was, and like 2 days later they let me go. How Rude, i was soo upset.
Then yesterday i got a phone call from cumpass wanting to give me a job doing house keeping, full time in an old age home, and i told them i was pregnant, and they said they couldent hire me full time, but mabey as a casual. That SUCKS! and i dont even knwo if they call me back, i really hope they do i need a job soo bad, and its soo sickening that i cant find one because im pregnant you'd think people would give me one cause i have a fucking kid on the way and need money to support it.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Not Forgotten?
Well i sure was a mouthy one.... just looking at all my blogs and wow i was so young i dont even remeber myself like that....
Anyways, its been a while, alot has happend, and changed, were should i start...
So about 11 months ago clayton and i broke up, 3 months before we were suppose to be married, thats okay im very happy not to be with him, i can say that now anyways. I had a really hard time dealing with the break up, i was very depressed, didn't like myself very much, and caused myself alot of pain and harship. About a month after we broke up i started partying, and drinking, and smoking weed more than usual but nothing to the extreme, a month or two after we broke up i had my first break up sex, and it lasted for about a month or so...when i relized that it wasent a relationship, and just meaninless sex, i felt the pain...so i resorted to more alcohol, and more partying...
One night i was partying with a couple people and clayton, this was about 3 months after we broke up, and one of my good friends at the time had invited a girl over, not knowing that i was gunna be there, she invited this girl over for clayton to hook up with, i was sooo upset, i relize now a real friend wouldent have done that, anyways we all partyed together for a while until my friend cause a fight between a bunch of guys, the cops were called, and so on and so forth, clayton had told me that everyone was goin home, but i told him i couldent go home, my mom was sleeping i was drunk and it wouldent be a good idea, so he passed me off to his friend, who he told was guna get laid by me, and since i was so drunk i did end up having sex with this guy. the next morning i felt awful, dirty, and just pissed off, i also found out that no one actually left claytons house they were just saying that to get me out so clayton could hook up with that girl my friend invited over for him. After that i just decided not to party or even be around clayton. I started drinking alot i was drunk most of the week, also drunk in the day time basically drunk whenever i could be. One night i got so drunk i passed out in the middle of a field with a mini dress on and my legs spred wide open for everyone to see, my friends laughed about it, and told me to get up but i wouldent move i was too drunk...so they carried me over to a bench were they stuck a finger full of coke up my nose and told me to sniff, that would have been my first encounter with cocain... and not my last, that night turned into a couple days later when i was finally sober i relized the alcohol, the drugs and whatever eles was bought that night all came from my bank card which i had let my friends convince me to insert fake checks into my account. What a mistake that was, i was dissapointed with myself and a little scared but dint care a whole lot, i just needed to get drunk. for the next four months i dont remeber too much, other than drinking ridiculous amounts of alcohol, getting to the point of alcohol poisoning and doing a couple lines of coke to sober myself up, just to repeat the same thing which lead me to the drugs in the first place, i did this routien pretty much every night occasinally i would take a couple days off to go home to eat, change my clothes, i remeber alot of men, i dont remeber there names, what they did for a living, or where they lived, just that in the morning i would be waking up beside them. I let alcohol, drugs, and sex fill in my empty spaces, rather than god, and hurt myself more than i could have every imagined. It has now been 11 almost 12 months since me and clayton have been broken up, i couldent be happier, i am four and a half months sober, clean from drugs, and alcohol, god had blessed me and chose me to carry a child for months ago, i think it was his way of saying you are worthy, now its time to grow up, people tell me its a Great and amazing blessing to have a child, and i believe it more and more everyday, i still stuggle, i still hurt but at least i can say im with god in my times of pain, and not drugs, or alcohol, or in the arms of some man im never gunna see again. Ive filled these holes with god love, and he has healed my wounds, my scars are still visable, and might be for a while, but im still healing, learning, and growing. In september im going to be going to comosun, im working towards paying my debts off, and just work towards bettering myself.
Anyways, its been a while, alot has happend, and changed, were should i start...
So about 11 months ago clayton and i broke up, 3 months before we were suppose to be married, thats okay im very happy not to be with him, i can say that now anyways. I had a really hard time dealing with the break up, i was very depressed, didn't like myself very much, and caused myself alot of pain and harship. About a month after we broke up i started partying, and drinking, and smoking weed more than usual but nothing to the extreme, a month or two after we broke up i had my first break up sex, and it lasted for about a month or so...when i relized that it wasent a relationship, and just meaninless sex, i felt the pain...so i resorted to more alcohol, and more partying...
One night i was partying with a couple people and clayton, this was about 3 months after we broke up, and one of my good friends at the time had invited a girl over, not knowing that i was gunna be there, she invited this girl over for clayton to hook up with, i was sooo upset, i relize now a real friend wouldent have done that, anyways we all partyed together for a while until my friend cause a fight between a bunch of guys, the cops were called, and so on and so forth, clayton had told me that everyone was goin home, but i told him i couldent go home, my mom was sleeping i was drunk and it wouldent be a good idea, so he passed me off to his friend, who he told was guna get laid by me, and since i was so drunk i did end up having sex with this guy. the next morning i felt awful, dirty, and just pissed off, i also found out that no one actually left claytons house they were just saying that to get me out so clayton could hook up with that girl my friend invited over for him. After that i just decided not to party or even be around clayton. I started drinking alot i was drunk most of the week, also drunk in the day time basically drunk whenever i could be. One night i got so drunk i passed out in the middle of a field with a mini dress on and my legs spred wide open for everyone to see, my friends laughed about it, and told me to get up but i wouldent move i was too drunk...so they carried me over to a bench were they stuck a finger full of coke up my nose and told me to sniff, that would have been my first encounter with cocain... and not my last, that night turned into a couple days later when i was finally sober i relized the alcohol, the drugs and whatever eles was bought that night all came from my bank card which i had let my friends convince me to insert fake checks into my account. What a mistake that was, i was dissapointed with myself and a little scared but dint care a whole lot, i just needed to get drunk. for the next four months i dont remeber too much, other than drinking ridiculous amounts of alcohol, getting to the point of alcohol poisoning and doing a couple lines of coke to sober myself up, just to repeat the same thing which lead me to the drugs in the first place, i did this routien pretty much every night occasinally i would take a couple days off to go home to eat, change my clothes, i remeber alot of men, i dont remeber there names, what they did for a living, or where they lived, just that in the morning i would be waking up beside them. I let alcohol, drugs, and sex fill in my empty spaces, rather than god, and hurt myself more than i could have every imagined. It has now been 11 almost 12 months since me and clayton have been broken up, i couldent be happier, i am four and a half months sober, clean from drugs, and alcohol, god had blessed me and chose me to carry a child for months ago, i think it was his way of saying you are worthy, now its time to grow up, people tell me its a Great and amazing blessing to have a child, and i believe it more and more everyday, i still stuggle, i still hurt but at least i can say im with god in my times of pain, and not drugs, or alcohol, or in the arms of some man im never gunna see again. Ive filled these holes with god love, and he has healed my wounds, my scars are still visable, and might be for a while, but im still healing, learning, and growing. In september im going to be going to comosun, im working towards paying my debts off, and just work towards bettering myself.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Wow it's been a while
| hmm this sucks my profile sucks.... well i had surgery like 2 weeks ago and am finally feeling alive, i quit smokine because i was rushed to the hospital on day three after my surgery because well im deathly allergic to nicotien...i used a fuckin patch sweet right??....hmmm yeah and my throte started hemeraging like 4 days ago that was fucking scary i almost shit myself...half a cup full of blood and i ended up swollowing 7 full beautiful mouthfulls of the shit too....i also found out like 5 days ago that clayton...my fiance/boyfriend...w/e you wanna call him...got really drunk and him and lauren kissed...thats awsome right?? you know TASHA'S BESTEST friend lauren i think we all know who im talking about...what a bitch...she can do shit with whatever guy she wants and she sure dose but she has to go for clayton too right the rest arnt good enough???....i love life dosent everyone!!! yeah me and tasha prolly arnt gunna be friends for much longer either because of lauren..what a fucking whore...oh yeah and the place they kissed was the place me and clayton want to get married at he was showing her all of our options, and she now works and blends coffee shop, mine and claytons FAAAVV coffee place, like serioulsy this bittch needs to leave...go back to vancouver and ruin peoples lifes there...but w.e clayton knows the owner to blends coffee shop , they actullly just found out that they might be related soo i dont see us having any probs with ""LAUREN"' .....ohhh yes i forgot im also moving out im excited woooo wooo hoooo yep but we havent found a place and clayton has bad credit so were havin a fucking hard time cause every place dose credit checks and everytime somone looks into your cedit it knocks off a fuckin point for you....fuckin bastards....my life rocks right now it really dose can you read the enthusiasim in my fingers?? i think not....i think im turning into an alcoholic too, i drink lots....hmmm mabey i should stop and think about what im doin??.......thinking.....naww thinking sucks just brings back memories anyways bye for now |
Thursday, November 09, 2006
So yeah im sitting in class im doin this gay project we have to research a poet and do a 45 min presentation im soo not happy about it, it suppose to be in partners to and im all alone, ....theres so much work to be done too, and shes seems to be giving everyone eles info but me...i dont think she likes me very much......like this is gay and i dont want to present it in front of the class like its stupid :(:(:(:(....and yeah...so, anyways...i havent slept in like a weeek its fuckin stupid liek im soo grouchy too, and like okay i have seasonal depression so like i get all moody and sad and like lets go cut my wrists type thing along with i dont get to sleep either...and i get bad visions and if i get dreams there bad...like very bad....i dont know what to do...i dont think anyone takes me seriously either....but im goin to go to my doctor and get proper sleeping meds that way i'll be able to sleep, or i was thinking just buy a bottle of gravil and take one everynight with my melatonin...cause i'v done that a few times and it works sooo well, other than i always have a pretty bad headache in the morning....im just not doing very good i hate it soo much i just wanna sleep and like die....that would be good...but i guess i cant do that now can i?? ....dom, crystal, beccah, and asia, and hannah i think are all coming down tommoro...im excited but i thought i would eb more excited...i only get excited somtimes....and other times i just wanna go lay down and sleep and like never wake up i know im not gunna get much sleep when there here and im scared that theres gunna be a little fight not saying names but well yall know who you are...and yeah its gunna be tiering i have to work friday and sunday i think but i get saturday off i have to work from 4-5:40 though oh yay!!! im sooo excited about that but at least i get off at 5:40 which is okay cause my brothers b-day party is at 6:00 so it should be fine/....
anyways im off post laters bye@
anyways im off post laters bye@
Thursday, October 26, 2006
hmm?
Theres some pics at the bottom k:)
Heey Hey havent posted in a while soo sorry bout that yeah im kinda like blonde haha i lost my username and pass so i just figured out how to get it back now lol.... anyways hmm wuts new wit me??? well i now have like blonde hair lol i also have a wonderful b/f his name is clayton at first my mom Hated him but even tho she dosent want to addmit it i think she's starting to like him ... he's 21 i think thats why she dint like him lol but w/e....ummmm YOUTH COUCILS WAS FACKIN AWSOME!! loved iti have to say, umm we got to stay in girls stafff house soo fricken sweet...but uhhh i like apperantly accourding to my nutritionist have like a 99% chance of having celiac disease yeah its awsome and i cant have glueten or dairy or citris....so i was sick lots i almost was forced to go to the hospital....not fun not fun at all...umm im workin at dominos again but diffrent manager YEAH shes awsome i love working with her im also do like full time daycare but my mom had to take half of that over ....it wasent working with my schedual lol....but yeah anyways heyyyy dude my family and i are doin our christmas on the 15th its gunna rock and the were doin and ourreach dinner on the 23rd and then on the 25th were going into one of the old age homes and spending time with them and bring them cookies and flowers and any kind of gifts we can get...we dont have alot on Money so we dont know how much we can do ohhhh but also on the 23rd (by the way this is all in dec) but on the 23rd that night i get to go and hand out stocking too all the homeless ppls and like so into the shealters and like the needal drops and like rehab centers itsss sooo exciting i did it last yeah and omg IM STOKED to to it again like they people were sooo happy and like i felt so good doin it uhh little things like that makes my heart sing...but yeah so anyone that wants to do that its with Xtreame Outreach....its goin to be soooo fun and also i think we need vollenteeers for the dinner well its more like 3 dinners i think there all free there ment for like the homeless and low income people but like anyone can go and last year we made the new AND AND the fricken Mayor came and helped tooo it was sooo cool oh yeah and we also give PRESENTS out to all the kids in Blanshard court well anyone that knows victoria would know blanshard and its history but anyways my point is that all the familys livin ther have very lil money and so its sooooo coool to help provide so VOLLENTEERS PLZ....so if anyones interested calll me (1250) 888-8804, or my home # is (1250) 220-4660.....but yeah umm imm gunan go to beddderz pce love yah alll
Robbie and ben Cameron
Baby Anna Cameron
Me and Clayton(bad pic of me, but a good shot of my new hair)
Me and Miss Tasha(gunna miss you)<3
Heey Hey havent posted in a while soo sorry bout that yeah im kinda like blonde haha i lost my username and pass so i just figured out how to get it back now lol.... anyways hmm wuts new wit me??? well i now have like blonde hair lol i also have a wonderful b/f his name is clayton at first my mom Hated him but even tho she dosent want to addmit it i think she's starting to like him ... he's 21 i think thats why she dint like him lol but w/e....ummmm YOUTH COUCILS WAS FACKIN AWSOME!! loved iti have to say, umm we got to stay in girls stafff house soo fricken sweet...but uhhh i like apperantly accourding to my nutritionist have like a 99% chance of having celiac disease yeah its awsome and i cant have glueten or dairy or citris....so i was sick lots i almost was forced to go to the hospital....not fun not fun at all...umm im workin at dominos again but diffrent manager YEAH shes awsome i love working with her im also do like full time daycare but my mom had to take half of that over ....it wasent working with my schedual lol....but yeah anyways heyyyy dude my family and i are doin our christmas on the 15th its gunna rock and the were doin and ourreach dinner on the 23rd and then on the 25th were going into one of the old age homes and spending time with them and bring them cookies and flowers and any kind of gifts we can get...we dont have alot on Money so we dont know how much we can do ohhhh but also on the 23rd (by the way this is all in dec) but on the 23rd that night i get to go and hand out stocking too all the homeless ppls and like so into the shealters and like the needal drops and like rehab centers itsss sooo exciting i did it last yeah and omg IM STOKED to to it again like they people were sooo happy and like i felt so good doin it uhh little things like that makes my heart sing...but yeah so anyone that wants to do that its with Xtreame Outreach....its goin to be soooo fun and also i think we need vollenteeers for the dinner well its more like 3 dinners i think there all free there ment for like the homeless and low income people but like anyone can go and last year we made the new AND AND the fricken Mayor came and helped tooo it was sooo cool oh yeah and we also give PRESENTS out to all the kids in Blanshard court well anyone that knows victoria would know blanshard and its history but anyways my point is that all the familys livin ther have very lil money and so its sooooo coool to help provide so VOLLENTEERS PLZ....so if anyones interested calll me (1250) 888-8804, or my home # is (1250) 220-4660.....but yeah umm imm gunan go to beddderz pce love yah alll
Robbie and ben Cameron
Baby Anna Cameron
Me and Clayton(bad pic of me, but a good shot of my new hair)
Me and Miss Tasha(gunna miss you)<3
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Well its been a while ... let me see...i am sixteen now haha...best birthday party ever it was a suprise ....scared the shat outa me :P lol but it was amazin thanks everyone who helped out ....umm i also found out about a week ago that another one of my best friends died her name was julie...such an amazin person but stuggled with deppression and stuff...she went to go jump off a cliff but decided not too but slipped...soo it was pretty tragic...she actually died on the 31 of july i dint find out till aug, 18 so i dint get a chance to go to the funeral....my mom wants me to go to grief coucelin i think i might .... umm what eles has happend...I GOT A TATTOO yay lol...yeha so a diffrent friend well most of my sister died in may ...and it was her birthday on aug 19 (HAPPY BIRTHDAY KALA LOVE YOU SOO MUCH MISS YOU SO MUCH)...so i got a tattoo for her its on my upper back it says "into his arms" in a rainbow shape between my shoulder blades and down my spine it says "KALA" its really pretty i realy like it...umm so also for her mom because my mom and her mom have been best friends since they were 13 we went up to nanaimo on the 21st and spent time with vicky (kalas mom)....which was alot of fun...i went a slept over at my dad too on the last night it was fun... then he took us over to vancouver i was a day early haha lovin it...nicole and beracah were suprised i think :P:P had an amazing time at i think its called Knee drill haha it was aswome...really gave me a chance to kinda find god all over again i was kinda goin off my path for a second there...but i was really saddend...because well everyone got mad at me for smokin and that...and i also found out matt kissed this other girl i mean w/e i liked him everyone knows that(UNFORTINATLY) but yeha that kinda hurt ontop of him like gettin harshly mad at me for smokin again...oh man and im such a fricken chicken i couldent even talk to him about it ....like i sorta mentioned it RIGHT befour he left...but im dissapointed in myself cause that was prolly the last time i was gunna talk to him and it was ruined by ackwardness....and i really enjoy our talked on the comp so i thought they might have been just as good in person but well...ACKWARDNESS....but yeah anyways...im not smokin again just so ppl know.. OH and aww im soo happy andy mac and beracah are finally OFFICAL yay.... PARTY..haha.......j/k....well i am happy for them :P....but a party im a lil crazy.... i really miss everyone like its sooo saddenin like really i dont know what to do...im gunna cry thats what ill do ...*CRYS*...yeah uhhum....crystal and jeff kissed *COUGH*...i dint say that...*COUGH* yes thats right KISSED*cough cough* yepp...so it was interestin but i love vancouver and deff will be back soon im lovin it pce out
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Ahhh today has been good, and by the way my mom has been nice to me yay....anyways...met with nicole and beracah at like 12 at there house and ate our pie, thats we made the night befour but it was more like soup pie hahaha, but yeah we baked it the night befour,... but yeah nicole and beracah were both in the weirdest but funniest moods today so that was a major higlight haha i laugh so much of the day....we ended up goin to this all you can eat buffet, chinese foood mmmmmm, but i almost threw up i ate a chicken joint...well spat it out i was really like grossed out haha it was kinda funny...i dont think ill ever be able to eat chicken again...then after that we went to old navey nicole got an awsome outfit toataly gorgeous in it sooo flattering, then went to the Salvation army...then went to mayfair...and walked aroud for a bit and B nded up gettin this shirt at costa blanka which looks soooooo good so good lol , but we dint find pants to go with it soo that actually i dont know why but made me angry and really dissapointed ...like i hate it when me and friends are lookin for somthing and dont find it oh yeah and while we were in the food court okay wait while we were entering the mall my sunglasses broke and then i thought i fixed them but while we were in the food court i realized i hadent and yeha it was making me really mad because it was just one spot one lil spot that would get fixed and it was peeing me off sooo badely, so i ended up sqishin them and throwing them away...nicole and B told me not to but i said that if i had kept them i would have smashed them on our table repeadetly...
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